1261991

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  1. 1261991 added a post in a topic: GMAIL INVITES   

    Pease feel free to ask for gmail invitations to me at satya_gr84u@yahoo.co.in
  2. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Who is the best fielder in the world?   

    Please submit your votes and add comments.
  3. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Moved: Who is the best fielder in the world?   

    This message has been moved to Current Affairs by saurabhjain.
  4. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Should India forget Sachin   

    Sachin is no doubt the best player of india ....he must continue for another 2-3 years and retire himself....after all others must also be given a chance to prove themselves!!
  5. 1261991 added a post in a topic: who is the best cricket player   

    i feel..dhoni,dravid n sachin all r quite good.
  6. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Which Search Engine your favourite search engine   

    some more search engines r...
    www.dogpile.com
    www.alltheweb.com
    www.hogsearch.com
    www.wisenut.com
    www.123india.com
    www.excite.com
    www.ixquick.com

    etc.....
  7. 1261991 added a post in a topic: CARPORATE LESSONS   

    CORPORATE LESSON 1

    A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

    So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.

    Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

    The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch ".

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Always allow the boss to speak first

    CORPORATE LESSON # 2
    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
    bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave it enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

    Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.




    CORPORATE LESSON # 3

    There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle.
    When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and your wish will come true."

    The French wanted to start first. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

    Next is the Ru ssian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

    The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with His beer pool.

    The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT........."

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will Land you in.

    CORPORATE LESSON #4

    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower & the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over who should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
    towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.

    Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next
    door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $ 800 he owes me?"

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure

    CORPORATE LESSON #5

    A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there miserably in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

    A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

    MORALS OF THE STORY:

    1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

    2) Not everyone who gets you out of nuts is your friend.

    3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut

    CORPORATE LESSON #6
    A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and Crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
    The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

    The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg
    again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologised. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."

    Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.

    On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, and you will find glory."

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Alwa ys be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great opportunities

    CORPORATE LESSON #7

    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

    A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    MORAL OF THE STORY: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

    CORPORATE LESSON #8

    Usually the shop-floor staff of the company play football.
    The middle-level managers are more interested in tennis.
    The top management usually has a preference for golf.

    FINDING: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.
  8. 1261991 added a post in a topic: AMAZING HOME REMIDIES   

    AMAZING HOME REMEDIES

    WARNING: NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling
    water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly
    removed.

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone
    else to hold them while you chop away.

    3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using
    the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
    minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
    rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
    afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and VOILA!....toothache gone!
  9. 1261991 added a post in a topic: IN THE COURTROOM   

    Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

    1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

    2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

    3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

    4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

    5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

    6. "Did he kill you?"

    7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

    8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

    9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

    10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

    11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "How many were boys?"
    A: "None."
    Q: "Were there any girls?"

    12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

    13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: "I went to Europe, sir."
    Q: "And you took your new wife?"

    14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
    A: "By death."
    Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

    15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
    A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
    Q: "Was this a male or female?"

    16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    which sent to your attorney?"
    A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

    17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

    18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
    A: "Oral."

    19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
    A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
    Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
    A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

    20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
    A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

    21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
    A: "I have been since early childhood."

    22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
    autopsy?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
    A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
  10. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Some jokes   

    Three Blondes


    Three blondes are celebrating their success in a pub.

    The bartender asks them: "Girls, what's the reason for the celebration?"

    One of the blondes responds: "Well, we just finished this puzzle and it took us only a month, while the box indicated: 3 to 6 years!"...

    Optimist


    The Question: What is the definition of an optimist?
    The Answer: Someone who works crossword puzzles in ink.

    Busy Bus


    You drive a bus from Rotterdam to Delft. At the first bus stop, 33 people get in. At the second bus stop, 7 more people get in, and 11 passengers step off. At the third bus stop, 5 passengers step off and 2 people get in. After one hour, the bus arrives in Delft.

    The Question: What is the name of the driver?
    The Answer: well....its your name!!

    Three wishes

    Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.

    Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."

    Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted.

    Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared.

    The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?"

    He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me decide..."
  11. 1261991 added a post in a topic: only in america.....   

    cool joke..
  12. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Make a sentence and give a word...ab aayega maja   

    i have a defiant attitude.
    next word-gracious
  13. 1261991 added a post in a topic: GMAIL INVITES   

    hi everyone.....
    how many invites will u be having at the beginning when u create an account?? my friend had a 100 but i am having only 15....so is there any specifications?? if so, please let me know.....
  14. 1261991 added a post in a topic: GREAT JOKES   

    This could really happen .....



    President Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school today and
    when he visited a class in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
    The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "Tragedy." So our illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street and a car came along and ran over him, that would be a tragedy."
    "No," says Clinton, "that would be an accident."
    A little girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying 50 children
    drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
    "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call GREAT LOSS."
    The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
    President Clinton searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
    Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand.
    In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens,
    that would be a tragedy.
    "Fantastic," exclaims Clinton, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
    "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss."




    Teacher was retiring


    A teacher was retiring after 30 years of teaching, so each child
    decided they wanted to bring her a special retirement present. A
    little girl who was the daughter of a fine chocolate dealer brought
    her a box full of fine chocolates.

    A little boy who was the son of a florist brought her a big bouquet
    of flowers. Another little boy who was the son of a fine liquor dealer
    brought her a big box that was sealed, and it had something leaking
    from the bottom of the box. The teacher said, "I bet I know what this is!"

    She tasted some of the juices that were leaking from the box and said,
    "I bet this is some wine!"

    The little boy said, "Nope!"

    She tasted it again and said "Liquor?"

    The little boy said, "Nope!"

    She tasted it again and said, "Beer?"

    The little boy said, "Nope!"

    She said, "Well what is it?"

    The little boy said, "A puppy!"



    Smartest Man in the World



    A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

    In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

    Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

    The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

    The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

    He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

    The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

    The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."


    VIRTUE

    Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"

    Student : "Brotherly love".
  15. 1261991 added a post in a topic: Gender of the Computer   

    Gender of the Computer


    A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.

    Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

    The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine One group was comprised of the girls in the class, and the other, of boys Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

    The group of girls concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

    1- In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

    2- They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

    3- They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

    4- As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

    The boys, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

    1- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

    2- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

    3- Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

    As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.